How To Kidnap Ryou Shirogane
by flamingbunnies
Summary: It was just an ordinary day for Ryou when suddenly he was bashed on the head! Read if you want to see what will hapen to him as Kit and Kat take him through the U.K. BTW THIS IS A SELF INSERTION SORTA FIC.
1. mixed up plans

(Ryou's P.O.V.) I was just standing by my window after my shower when I heard someone coming up the stairs. I figured it was Ichigo asking for another raise. I threw on a pair of pants at least. I liked seeing the shocked look on her face.

That's when I heard voices. It was definitely _not_ Ichigo. I heard some of the conversation and knew this as not good.

"Come on Kat!! We are already late! Let's go over the list one more time. Make up?"

"Check!!"

"Dress?"

"Frying pan?"

"UMmmmmmmmmmmmm……"

"Kat!"

"I thought that you had it!!"

"oh well. I'll just go down to the kitchen and get one. Make sure he does NOT escape!"

I momentarily thought about jumping out of my window. Then I remembered how high up I was. Not a good idea. The kat girl sounded kind of dumb so I thought I'd try to talk her out of keeping watch and walked over to her. She had medium brown hair and was kind of short.

"Hey"

she jumped about a foot in the air. "G-get in there!" she yelled. It was a wonder that the other girl didn't come running back up. I shrugged .

I got to go use the bathroom." I lied.

She started to think this over. The other girl could be coming any minute. So I started to jiggle up and down like I really needed to go.

"Fine but make it quick. Kit should be back any minute. And I like living very much!"

I ran as fast as I could down the stairs. Before I reached the bottom though I was whacked on the head with some thing big and heavy. Everything went black.

And that is the end of this chapter. Don't worry there is more to come! Please review if you want to. It's o.k. if you don't cuz I got people at school who like it.


	2. Make up is so much fun!

I went downstairs to the kitchen to find the fry pan. Apparently Keiichiro forgot to clean up the kitchen. There was stuff every where! I started to dig through the stuff until I finally found this really big and heavy cast iron skillet.

Just as I was going back up the stairs I was nearly run over by kat was so gonna get it! As soon as he got close enough I bashed him over the head with the skillet. I watched as he slumped unconscious to the floor.

I left him there while I went to go get Kat. How could she let him leave his room?! "Kat!!" she looked up so innocently." what?" I sighed. "What did I tell you about letting him leave his room?"

She shuffled her feet. "he said he needed to use the bathroom." She mumbled. I walked over to a wall and started to bash my head against thinking 'ANGST ANGST ANGST' this seemed to relieve the stress at least a little bit.

"He's got a bathroom in his room!" her face brightened "does this mean we get to kidnap Dylan now?" I sighed. She has had the stupidest crush on some guy named Dylan Sprouse. "No! I managed to bash him. Let's leave before he wakes up."

So we went down and started getting him into a really old and ugly dress of my we put on brown eye shadow and bright pink lipstick. We took some pictures for blackmailing later.

Then we took him outside where a blue van was parked. My aunt had agreed to help us out. "Okay let's go Vonny. We don't have much time."I said glaring at Kat.


	3. Aunt Hilda

I woke up with a pounding headache. But wait when did I go to sleep? And this did not feel like my lumpy mattress. Then it all came back to me. The girls. The pan crashing down on my head. So I being the genius that I am asked them where we were. The answer that I got back was a giggly "We're in the U.K."Great just my luck the United Kingdom. But how did they get an unconscious person through airline security?

"Hey how did you get me through security?" I was kind of afraid to hear the answer. "Well Aunt Hilda..."I gave them a very confused look. The blonde pimply girl gave me a mirror. I looked into it and saw something that definitely was not my face. I was about to scream when the other girl put her hand over my mouth. "Be quiet you. We don't want to be found out."

I had looked very old lady-ish in that mirror."You wanted to know how we got you through security. Well...' They looked at each and, yet again, giggled. "Okay then how did we get to the plane? You two aren't old enough to drive." I stated as matter of factly. That's when I noticed another lady sitting next to them. She had dark long hair and glasses. "This is Vonny. She's my aunt and she is sooooooooooooo awesome" the blonde one replied.

Then I remembered that getting the names of my kidnappers would be important later on. "Hey you people! I don't really remember your names" I said casually. They looked at each other nodded then the blonde continued "Well we can't really tell you our real names cause you might try to call our peoples." she said pointing to the other girl."Our peoples don't even know we're here. They think we're in Hershey right Vonny?" She looked up and said "Right." Then went back to a Manga book.

"Fine" I said in a very exasperated voice. "Tell me your make believe names" The blonde girl looked thoughtful for a moment and said "Hmmmmm... I could tell them but it would be more fun to wait until we got to the hotel." I shoved my head in my hands. My headache was getting worse.


	4. Chapter 4

(a.n) This chapter is dedicated to Angel Ichigo Melody for giving me the idea. Sorry about the minimal amount of Ryou in this chapter.

Ichigo and the others were working **very** peacefully. Something about this situation stuck Ichigo funny. She had never worked peacefully in her life.

She had come in twenty minutes late and only Mint yelled at her. That's when it hit the ditzy cat girl. Shirogane was not here. How dare he yell at her for slacking off then he go do it himself?!?! The filthy hypocrite! She walked into the kitchen and silently walked up to Keiichirro. He seemed to be making some sort of tart. "Hey Akasaka-san…….," she began before the chef had hit her in the face with his spoon. "Gomen! Gomen! Are you terribly hurt?"He asked in that all too perfect gentlemanly voice of his.

"N-no I'm fine" she stuttered. "I was just wondering if you had seen Shirogane." He stopped stirring and looked thoughtful for a moment. "Come to think of it, I don't think I have. He's probably just sick or something so you should let him rest."

With saying that, he went back to arranging the fruit in a perfect flower pattern on the tart. Ichigo on the other hand headed right up to is room. 'With him being sick it'll be easier to get my raise from him'. She thought.

Bursting into the room, she was surprised to see that there was no shirtless Ryou in there. (Sad isn't it?) Ichigo searched far and wide for Ryou but all she found was a note and a tube of the _**ugliest**_ bright pink lipstick ever.

She opened the note and read:

_If you ever want to se your beautiful Ryou again please send two hundred dozens of chocolate chip cookies to the following address: 456 drewy lane, London, England._

Ichigo thought that it was nothing so she threw it into the garbage. Too bad Ichigo didn't think. Now how will she get that raise she wants so badly? Who even cares!?!?


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 is finally here!!! To make up the lack of Ryou in the last chapter, I'll try to make it as long as possible! (Told in Ryou's perspective.)

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The night was a total Hell. I don't know how I made it through the night. It didn't start out to bad. They took me to this really cool hotel. Too bad they forgot to tell me about where I was going to sleep.

We had dinner in the hall. (I was still unfortunately Aunt Hilda) we had this really good thing called Sheppard's pie. It was basically beef stew topped with mashed potatoes. Then Kat (they finally told me their names.) thought it would be a good idea to hand me the salt. I accepted it because it was a little bland. I went to sprinkle it on my potatoes when instead it _dumped_. Yes, I fell for that stupid prank.

After a dessert of apple pie alamode, we headed up to the suit. It had two king sized beds. 'Oh man' I thought. 'They were going to make me sleep with one of them!' they however had different plans.

Apparently, kit and kat were going to share a bed and Vonny was getting her own bed. They said something about her kids and husband always stealing her bed. When I asked where I was supposed to sleep, they pointed to the floor. I wonder if they'll notice if I snuck in to the tub.

Then they started talking about the most embarrassing thing _**ever**_. It was about when their friend came to visit. That their dogs came home. Having the painters' in. You get my drift? So I had to sit there for an hour listening to how they get cramps, headaches, sleepiness and what not. When they _**finally **_got done with their rather embarrassing conversation (when they do that at the café, I go to my room) they turned on the T.V. and started watching the stupidest movie ever.

What could be so stupid that I had to step onto the patio and read the cheesiest romance novel ever? They had started watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I saw it once and I will never again.

Surprisingly, I got really into the book because when I went to go to the bathroom, they were all done watching the movie. Sadly though, they moved on to make-overs. There was make-up all over the place; nail polish, eye shadow, blush, ECT. I moved quickly to the bathroom before they spotted me. Too bad I skipped most of my gym classes.

Kit told me to come back as soon as I was done. Damn this is not going to be a good night.

(a/n) Sorry for the long wait. I have only this as an excuse. I was at my aunt's house for two months. You can choose to believe it if you want. Give me all the thoughts you want to. You can even send me a death threat because right now I am so sick that I will not care.


	6. Chapter 6

(a/n) Hey this is FB updating for fear of being eaten/killed by Sesshomaru from Inuyasha. Enjoy! BTW this is from Kit's view. I think I will try something from Kat's view if I get enough responses, though.

Disclaimer: I am just a poor mortal without a diamond studded swimming pool.

This is going to be more exciting than I thought. We can make him look even worse than he did when he was Aunt Hilda. And of course there's going to be a lot of picture taking. I was going to do the main make-up while Kat did some stuff with sharpies.

As he came out of the bathroom he tried to slip back onto to the patio with his book. But I stopped him before he got any further. "Going somewhere Shirogane?"

I heard him moan before he turned around and sat down. "So what horrible things are you planning to torture me with?" he asked. We giggled a little as we knew just _how_ horrible the 'torture' was going to be.

"Well, Kit is going to apply your make-up while I draw on you with a Sharpie" Kat stated rather happily. (I think all the sugar has finally gone to her head.) What we _didn't_ tell the poor man was we were also going to wax his legs.

So there was this nice hot man sitting there on the floor looking like he was just drafted for a sacrifice, and me and my friend were going to ruin his image. Oh well my conscious will get over it. I  
started to get all the supplies around while Kit told him to take off his shirt.

"What?!?!? Why do I need to do that!?" He practically screamed. Kit using her oh so amazing reflexes (I am totally exaggerating this point as she does not have reflexes) put her hand over his mouth before he said anything else.

"Okay we ready?" Kit asked as she struggled with Ryou. "Yeah, wait I have an idea." I said as I took a pair of socks and a handkerchief and gagged him. "There now we can do this in peace and quiet."

I took out three different bottles of nail polishes and placed them before me, trying to figure out which to use. "OI! Which do you think I should use Vonny? "She plopped on to the floor and examined the colors. "Hmmmmm……..I say that his color is Caribbean blue, but I would love to use all three on him!"

"Good idea! You get his left and I'll get his right." And with that we all started to paint and draw. Kit was having difficulties because apparently he was very ticklish. And he being ticklish caused big problems for me and Vonny. "Hey stop moving around!" we said together.

This gave me an evil idea. If he wouldn't hold still, he would have very colorful hands. I made a streak up his hand and Vonny made cute hearts and stars. "How are you holding up Kat?" I asked her as I made a mini rainbow on his arm. "I'm good. You want to sign his back?"

Me in my excitement to use the marker knocked the bottle of nail polish over. The good thing is it didn't spill on the floor; it did however spill on Ryou. Now on his white pants was a giant orange splotch. We were all silent for a minute before we burst out laughing.

Ryou, having been gagged, could only stare in horror. Wait until the next activity. We pushed his pant legs up as far as they could go before we got out the cold wax. His eyes got as big as they could go at the sight of it. (I wonder if they torture him like this at the café.)

We applied it one strip at a time. Vonny got it out of the box. Kat pressed it on his leg. And I got the honors of ripping it off. We are such evil people. Is it bad that I actually enjoyed his muffled screams of terror? This was my best day ever.

(A/N) Wow longest chapter ever. Almost seven hundred words.


	7. Chapter 7

My internet broke down so I took it as a sign from the God of Fan fiction to stop reading and actually write. Hope you enjoy it. And then I was to lazy to finish it so I waited like three more weeks before actually finishing it.

'Damn Ryou and his Kidnappers.' Ichigo thought bitterly. Right now she was one of the only one working. Keiichirro had sent Lettuce, Zakuro, and Mint to look for clues as to where Ryou could be. Then ichigo remembered the note. "Maybe I shouldn't of thrown it out." She said aloud.

She stopped what she was doing and went upstairs to look for it. She dumped the bin upside down and searched until she found it.

_If you ever want to see your beautiful Ryou again please send two hundred dozens of chocolate chip cookies to the following address: 456 Drewy Lane, London, England._

"These people must really be hungry if they want that many cookies" she said as she walked down the stairs

Meanwhile down in the kitchen everyone was presenting what they thought might be clues but ended up being nothing. "Look at what I found in Ryou's room!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! " Ichigo shouted.

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Somewhere in London………………………….

"I wonder if they found the note." Kit asked Vonny. They were currently drinking some tea. I swear they dumped in a pound of sugar _**each**_ into their cups. "I hope they did so I can get away from you whack jobs." I mumbled under my breath. Unfortunately I was heard and Kat was now chasing me around the hotel room with a giant mallet.

"The weird plant in Luna's garden!" "Oh that's good… The grease on Snape's hair!" I turned to look at the pair of them. Too bad for me I tripped over the couch and fell on my head. From what I saw they were playing a weird game.

As they were caught up in their "thing" I went to talk to Kat to see what they were actually doing. "It's a game they play. They toss the ball back and forth saying random harry Potter related things." She explained. "I think it's just an unhealthy obsession." I couldn't help but agree with her.

Soon after that they got bored and found the three most horrible things these people could have……………. Marshmallows, Grahm Crackers, and most horrible of all chocolate. I'm sure you know what happens when you combine these three items right? You get the horribly sugar filled treat otherwise known as smores. They seemed to be having fun watch the marshmallows explode in the microwave.

"Try not to blow up the hotel while I'm in the bathroom okay?" Vonny called. The girls looked at each other and giggled before replying "Okay!" Somehow I did not find this comforting.

A little while after that we heard a scream from the bathroom and Kit said" Oh not the foam _**again! **_She ran into the bathroom and helped a very pale Vonny out of the bathroom. "Ummmm…..What the hell just happened?"

"She has a weird fear of foam. I don't get it either, but she threw it up once so that might be it."Kit told us. Then Vonny burst back into life as she had a not so awesome idea. "Karaoke!!!" Oh no this is really gonna suck.

And suck it did. Not only did I have to listen to their singing but they made me sing also. Not that my singing is bad but my voice tends to go a bit high when I sing. So if someone outside the door were listening they might have heard Two hyper active giggly wolverines, a bear, and then a drunk squirrel. I'm not telling who was what. It's too embarrassing. Thank God they were exhausted when that was over so we could go to bed.


	8. Chapter 8

**OMG has it been in forever?!?!? I really do need to keep up with these stories other wise some people will attack me. Not that they know where I live or anything. That would be creepy. Now on to the story! **

"Ichigo this is such good news! I'll definitely tell Ryou to give you a raise! But first off we need to get started on these cookies. Ichigo go get the others, Pudding close the café and then when you're done come to the kitchen to help me. I'm gonna need it for this many cookies" Keiichiro said in one long breath. The girls broke apart to go do their separate jobs.

**Back in England………………………………….**

"I know let's watch a movie!"Kat said with a lot of enthusiasm. Kit rolled over on the bed and sighed "but which one? We watched 'em all a million jabillion times" she said. Kit's eyes flicked. "Yes, we have, but not in Spanish!!!"

Then the girl's got up and started to throw the movies out of her bag. They finally held up a DVD that said "Mean Girls" on it and laughed manically. "Hey Vonny want to totally do to this movie what you did to SAW??" Kit asked. I did not want to know. I had a feeling this was gonna be a little weird. I tried edging away again but they caught me and tied me to the chair again.

Two hours later they were finally asleep. Apparently they like to make what the people say because they had seen it so many times. Sadly I like what the main character did to the head mean girl with the weight gain bars. Maybe I could do the same thing with Ichigo.

A while later I was still awake because it is REALLY hard to fall asleep tied up to a wooden chair. That's when I heard some mumbling and then "No miss I did not eat your hippo!" At least that's what I think she said. It's hard to tell because it was mumbled. I looked around and saw a light coming from where the two girls were sleeping.

"Ummmm what exactly are you doing? " I asked. "And could you possibly untie me?" Of course I was answered with a "SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" that would have woken up Tokyo. Then the saner of the two came over and untied me. "I'm video taping kit while she sleeps. She talks just like my grandma. It's hilarious!!" she then "tip-toed" back to her bed. I'm surprised she didn't wake anyone up in the room.

I walked over to the bed to but all kit did now was whine in her sleep. "I have an idea!" kat said. "Let's look through the fridge and find stuff to dip her hands in to see if it works like warm water!" so we went to the fridge but the choice was rather limited. There was some soda (Dr. Pepper if you're wondering), Kool-Aid, cheese, olives, strawberry sauce, and cool whip. So we grabbed all the liquid stuff and put it into little plastic cups.

"Are you sure you wanna do this? I mean that's also your bed." I told her uncertainly. She shook her head and said" I always sleep on the floor because she steals the blankets."

"All right full speed ahead!"I say. We each take a hand and dip it into the items from the fridge. I'm very hungry so I squirt some of the cool whip and strawberry sauce in my mouth before putting it on her fingers.

Unfortunately nothing happened when we put it on her fingers except it made a big mess because apparently she also tosses and turns. So when the maids come in tomorrow to clean they'll think there was a murder or something.

I went into the kitchen after the other one fell asleep and started to make a sandwich with cheese and olives only. It didn't work well as there wasn't any bread to hold the contents. Drowsiness over came me and I put my head on the table, and promptly fell asleep.


End file.
